Tuesday, December 21, 2010

12.17.10

Dear XXX,
You have ignored me for a long time now. You haven’t paid me any attention. What do you expect when you aren’t taking care of me? I need YOU to take care of me. Only YOU can do it. I’m not punishing you how you think. You’ve gained a lot of weight, yes…because you’ve simply taken in more calories than you burned. But don’t think it’s all your fault. You are on a lot of medications and you already know that the ablilify hasn’t helped you keep your weight down. But you haven’t been helping the situation any. You have been overeating. Not following your food plan. Not exercising. Not drinking water. Not taking care of me. You’ve fallen into a deep depression for close to 2 months and although this is not totally your fault you have not used the tools that you’ve learned in therapy to help you out of your depression. You know what to do and yes, it’s hard to do it when you’re depressed, but you need to keep pushing forward. Congrats on getting out of your depression though. That was tough this time. Please take the time while your feeling better and make a plan to help you next time you fall into the dark again.
I love you,
Your Body

12.18.10
Dear Body,
Sorry. It’s been so long since you’ve talked to me. You are right, I haven’t taken care of you. But I’m trying again. I am sorry for not taking care of you. I know that it’s only me and there is no one else to do so. That is what threw me in depression I think this last time. I need to take care of you, so YOU can take care of me. Don’t ask me why but this shouldn’t be complicated. I am 41 after all. I should know that we need to take care of each other to make it through this life. I know I don’t want to fight you anymore. That I KNOW. Did I think I had to ignore you in order to not fight with you? I don’t know how to answer that. Maybe. But I can’t ignore you because I just can’t. That doesn’t get me anywhere. That’s gotten me XX lbs heavier. It’s not even about the weight (hello??? This is ME talking! LOL). It really isn’t. It’s about feeling good about myself and I just haven’t felt good about myself for so long now. For the last few years it HAS been about weight but I really didn’t have to complain too much. NOW, I have to complain because I’ve never weighed this much in my life. I mean EVER. Not even near... by XX lbs. I know it “sounds” like it’s about the weight still, but it isn’t. Anyways, you know what I’m saying and I don’t really have to explain it all that much to you but I do feel the need to have to explain it to other people for some reason. Except I don't really talk about it. I just blog about it. I still have to get it off my chest even though I don't talk about it. It helps to talk, regardless if no one is listening. I need to talk and talk and talk just to get it out. Gotta go…more later. Thank you for telling me you love me.
Love, XXX

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