Wednesday, February 17, 2010

2.17.10 Dear Body

Dear Body.
I have been very angry for awhile and haven’t written you. Good news though…I’m not made AT you. For the first time, perhaps ever, I realize that I have misdirected my behavior when I’ve been angry about the weight issues. I guess I also need to be a tad bit more compassionate with myself. Perhaps a tad bit angrier with ED. Although, I’m not paying much attention to ED these days, I still find ED trying to sneak in. He gets in a little, prances around but really isn’t holding the power over me at all. This week I have noticed ED a bit more. I’m sure there are weeks that are better than the others with him. Still, I’m holding my own against him! Enough energy already spent talking about ED…done. But it’s exciting news that I’m not angry AT you. It’s not really me either that I’m mad at…who the hell am I mad at? What wasted energy. Anyways…I had a therapy appt. today. Told my therapist that I’m in a “new challenge” with a team mate *(aka: another therapy client!). We are doing 30 days of no symptom use. I have to define what symptom use is for me…it means not binging and not restricting. Over eating is a grey area and I’ll know when I cross that. It means working out (cardio 4-6x’s week and lifting/strength 3 days a week). This is only for 30 days so I am tracking this as well as journaling and trying to see patterns. It means journaling my gratitude’s and regrets. My therapist said to me, “you’re a good person XXX”. He must see that I don’t see it myself. Journaling my gratitude’s already helped me out. I was a really good mommy yesterday. One of those “gave my kid good attention, everyone was happy, got kid in the tub and did homework” kind of days that I felt good about! This definitely helps me define myself into something that doesn’t deal with food/exercise to feel good about.
I am doing a lot of rambling but I am kind of excited to see if I can find a new pattern or something that will help me along. If weights comes off…then cool.
Love, XXX

3 comments:

  1. NICE job XXX :)
    I try to take my accomplishments one day at a time. Unfortunately when I set myself a 30 day goal JOAN gets on me if I'm not PERFECT and if i only get in 3 cardio days instead of 4 she convinces me I've failed and I give up.
    So NOW...I just set out to do something I didn't do the day before, or each week I shoot for an increase over the last week.
    If i didn't work out at all last week, then ONE time this week is better...and so on :)
    Keeps me from worrying about failure, which is a biggie for me.

    good on ya! You ARE a good person and you're starting to show YOURSELF that :)

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  2. I may not be a psychologist, but I feel the therapeutic aspect of these blog articles you have been writing. It is really obvious that you respect your body and care a lot about your health. Keep up the great work with your articles and please stop by my health blog sometime. The web address is http://healthy-nutrition-facts.blogspot.com/.

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