Dear Ed. Fuck You

*may be triggering


1.23.2011


Dear ED,


I was asked a question today and it reminded me of you.

Q: Is my eating disorder considered self-injury even though i don't cut or mutilate?
A: My personal guess is yes. I’ve always considered mine at least self destruction.


Answering that question brought you into the picture again because what I could have written after that, was that cutting and self mutilating comes later.
At least it did for me.
Ed, you are one dark, twisted son of a bitch. You are so sneaky and twisted on how you will self harm and self destruct and self hate. It has only recently has become clear to me in the last couple of year that I actually even cut in the first place. I don’t even think I know what cutting was. Then when I did know what it was, the way I cut was not stereotypical of what a “cutter” does. I slash out of anger at myself. Out of self hatred. That is you ED. Fuck you ED...as I’m writting this I’m realizing that I’ve done it enough times to count. You are dark, dark, dark. God, stay away from me. What a manuplitive twisted disease you are. You appear to be one thing and at one time I really believed you. In the end, the truth comes out and this is you being reveled. This is you being ripped open to the core. You’re being expose Ed. How dark and twisted you are. I hope I don’t lose this vision of you. It makes me appreciate me and the body I am in right now. I don’t know how long this will last for but this has lasted a minute which is longer than I recall happening in the past. Wow.


Fuck you Ed.


Love, XXX