Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Friends Forever!

Okay Body..get this. I started reading blog after blog tonight because I started a Recovery Blog Hop on my own blog. I should say Blog…capital B, because I’m declaring it important in Our life. It is the place I go to talk to about us and Ed and try to figure this shit out. There are actually others out there like me. I mean, I know there are. This is how I felt when I first found out that I had an eating disorder. I thought I was alone. Then, through the years and the people I met and the friendships, acquaintances I’ve met and the relationships I’ve acquired, I realized that this IS my life. I have never had to feel the need to explain my eating disorder friends. But I’ve had many to feel the “need” to tell ME how my eating disorder WORLD has disrupted their “regular world”.

It’s funny, because I HAVE mentioned that my “eating disorder friends” are different than my “regular” friends. I hate the difference between the meanings of the two of those. If you take Eating Disorder Friends AND Regular Friends and break it down what does it mean? What does it show? I don’t know what the difference is when I say it, but it does have a difference when you say it and we all know what we mean. But here’s the thing. My “eating disorder friends” are the ones I’m honest with and know that I’m struggling and I am feeling like I’m worthless today because of my size. My regular friend doesn’t know that. I wouldn’t dare say those words to them because I don’t trust the response that comes out of their mouth. I don’t trust they know what I’m feeling and going though. I don’t trust that they looked in the mirror and saw someone different than everyone else saw. OR that I had to have my snack when “she” didn’t, or my jeans felt snug after weight restoration and I couldn’t handle it. Or when I feel fat and know it’s really a feeling and just want to crumble up inside and die. I needed my “peeps” in a way that was more than just friendship. It was sisterhood. A bond like no other. One of those friendships that you only get like you do when you’ve been friends with someone since you have been friends since grade school. THOSE are the type of friends that WE become. THOSE are the type of friends “eating disorder” friends become. I will take an “eating disorder” friend over a “regular” friend ANYDAY. Sisterhood man. It’s strong:)
- Love, XXX

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