1.22.10 Dear Body

Dear Body,
It’s late at night and I can’t sleep. When I can’t sleep I usually will lie in bed thinking about how I can change you. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to waste my time thinking about you changing. If you happen to change due to my training for my first 5k or change due to the fact that I’m following my food plan, then good. For the first time that I can think of, I am not wanting to change you and make you something that you aren’t. I do want to make you be the best you can be though. I want you to be healthy and strong. What I don’t want any longer is to be skinny with bones sticking out or fitting into a size 0. I am changing my perspective of what I want you to look like. I don’t particularly want you to look like anyone else…just like a healthy version of me. This sounds so simple, but you know what a big deal it is to me to change my vision of you. What I once wanted, I don’t anymore. I just want healthy. When people say to me, “you look healthy”, I don’t want to think what they really mean is “I look fat”. I want to think, yes…I look healthy as any healthy 40 yr old can be. Wow…I really feel like this is a major improvement with how I feel about you.
I am feeling a little better about you because are helping me run my first 5k. I am so scared of failing. But each day that I train, you show me that I can go a little bit further and a tiny bit faster than the day before. Doing something different with you is letting me see you in a different light. I don’t want to rock the boat too much so I’m going to stop thinking about this. At least I’m not thinking about changing you anymore. I’ll try to stop myself if I find that I am thinking that way. Deep down I really have changed I think. Yippee for me. Yippee for you too….
Love, XXX